What Type of Man Are You, Anyway?
Yeah, so, I'm watching Bonnie Hunt yesterday... and she has this guest
on who wrote a book about dating (Author: Lori Gottlieb... Book:
"Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough"), and I quote
from that program: "Men have a list of 3 items they want to see in
a woman for a second date -- OK conversation, good looking (doesn't
have to be Angelina Jolie), [can't remember the third fairly innocuous
item, but you get the drift] -- and women have a small list of 300
items for a second date... some of these items are humanly impossible
to achieve, and the others really don't matter..."
OK, so I'm not crazy! One question -- just how did these guys get that first date with her to begin with? I think the author is slightly off base -- having personally attempted conversations off-the-cuff in public, having attempted MULTIPLE dating web sites, and having attempted posting on and responding to craigslist personals, I would submit that women are running this 300-item macro program and sizing men up even for the FIRST date!
It's no wonder that men comment about the looks they get when they are wearing a ring, or are in the company of a woman -- you can hear the thoughts of any woman within 50 ft: "Wow, he must be a real catch! HE passed her litmus test of impossibility!"
What say you, my wonderful friends (male and female) who have known me as a real person? Do I not possess qualities that at least deserve a first date? [sans my tremendous humor, which they won't know about until we sit down to dinner, so that doesn't count... ha!]
So, yes, because it is in my nature, I responded to the Bonnie Hunt show (submitted a brief message) . And to follow up, here is a mini-essay arguing my position on the four types of men :
The Ass -- he knocks women off their horse, and makes them prove they are worthy, thus, they are unable to run their 300-item macro. It's like a virus you install.
The Charlatan -- he utilizes a variation of the virus, with special emotive triggers, confusing women into believing that he actually passes the 300-item litmus. Often in the company of a woman, and uses this to his advantage -- may become the heartache, done wrong song singer, who needs her to help him get over his current significant other, who is treating him oh so badly. And so on, because this guy, unlike the Ass, has a whole bag of tricks...
The Genuine Article -- do we really exist (yes, I think of myself in this category, thank you very much)... or do we simply keep trying, keep honing, and aspire to self-actualization, with the aid of our trusty value companions: integrity, sincerity, commitment, consideration, respect, honesty, and humility (ok, I have to work on that one, admittedly), never to quite see the fruition of our efforts? We seek out personal growth (academic and emotional)...
The Schmuck -- alter-ego of the Genuine Item (yes, given situations at work, and in my most recent 'relationship' I do fall into this category as well)... often taken advantage of, walked over, or blatantly dismissed as unessential for the current agenda. Schmuckiness is triggered either out of kindness or plain stupidity (I claim the latter)... and you know what, I can't make like this is not important -- because I, and other Genuine Articles, can contribute both to Schmuckiness itself, as well as to the woman's confusion of differentiating between a Schmuck and a Genuine Article: we often back down out of respect, we give benefit of the doubt, we attempt to see the bigger picture, we facilitate, we compromise with others in order to move forward, and, sadly, too often we enable... and everyone knows, you have to be an Ass to get anywhere, so who needs someone with "facilitating," "compromising" and "enabling" skills? Women think: "he's giving in to me, so -- either he's needy, or he has an insidious agenda."
But more importantly, women do not see the Genuine Article man, because their macro has been corrupted and the filters are tainted -- so they see only 3 types of men:
1) the one they must prove themselves to (the Ass)
2) Prince Charming manifest (the Charlatan) -- who supposedly passes the impossible litmus test with flying colors
3) the Schmuck -- after all, if he really had any good qualities, he'd have a woman in his arms or a ring on, eh?
Chime in with your thoughts...
[by the way, I'm on the OK Cupid dating web-site as "cool-guy4u", with the following stats: I have 5 pics uploaded, contacted over 70 women (and 'winked at' and 'rated' countless others), have had 50 women look over my profile -- 2 responses to my messages which fizzled before they could become real conversations -- 0 first dates...]