Raw

By sweetambrosia

The dark thoughts arrive  In the dead of night
After the tears are dried
And I've  become numb

Thoughts like
Worthless
And failure
And not ever enough
And release

These thoughts that have only ever come
When I'm in so deep
I don't see 
I'm in the well
And I'm drowning 
And no one can hear me yell
Because I'm so far gone
And who cares anyway 

For I am not strong
As so many have claimed
Strong is firm 
And solid
And unbending 
And unbreakable 

I am resilient 
I recover
Like a sapling
Bending to the whim of the wind
Yet always returning upright

But this sapling has grown in more shade
Than light
It hasn't been nurtured 
And has grown twisted 
Mostly dead
Devoid of warmth
And care

You see the best in me
And usually look at me with awe
And raw
And love
And naked desire
Desire for the whole of me
And I grow under your radiance

But you also see the worst of me
The parts I wish to keep hidden
The ugliness I fear
The terrible I grapple with 
And fight to keep at bay
But often lose

I fear the day when those looks of desire 
Turn to disgust
When the worst of me 
Is all you see
I see the shade cross your face
Every so often 
And It nearly shatters me
Because I know that day will come 
It always does
The change in looks

But this time it will destroy me
I will not rebound
Because I'm in too deep
I laid myself bare
Willingly 
And I can't recover
I'm too far gone

I ache
And the tears come 

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
Copyright 2017 sweetambrosia
Published on Sunday, June 18, 2017.     Filed under: "Poetry"
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Comments on "Raw"

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  • midnights voice On Sunday, June 18, 2017, midnights voice (565)By person wrote:

    I think I saw you in a photograph taken by Diane Arbus back in 1971 . I think it was the flower girl standing in the fog or the little girl with satchel in hand waiting on the bus . Or it could have been anyone of the lost souls who are looking beyond reality .

  • Kaiser Black On Sunday, June 18, 2017, Kaiser Black (1137)By person wrote:

    Very powerful and heartfelt write. I commend you for opening up so much.

  • Bornfrompain On Sunday, June 18, 2017, Bornfrompain (378)By person wrote:

    Very honest write! Thanks for sharing! - BFP

  • IDGAFuck On Sunday, June 18, 2017, IDGAFuck (12)By person wrote:

    I know my girl feels this way. I forwarded this write to her because i know she'd connect. I feel so terrible about some of the thoughts she has but i know i'm going to be there for her. I know she's been through a lot and i don't want her to live the same life anymore. I want to bring in the warmth she deserves. I really hope your man understands that too. I really hope he gives you the warmth you deserve :)

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