Calhoun Street

By Rebs

I am duly strung and duly noted
Wasn't even asked first
Chains of anguish weigh my steps
Do not think that I wanted this
Forced to cope without knowing how
Looking at the street sign dazed
Decorated with garments and shoes
Among them hospital identificaton bracelets
Searching them for my name
Just so I can remember who I was


I see the bottle of pills
And I want to pick them up

Written words ring loudly in my head
Dropping the executioner's blade
Falling to my knees to cower like a bitch
Ignoring the stunned looks
It's just words he says
Never is it just words
Each phallic word was a knife to my veins
Bleeding into my eyes to be blind
My fingers tearing at my betrayed flesh
Just so I can feel a different pain

I trusted him so completely
And it became collateral damage

Hang me to put my discarded flesh on display
I begged to be spared all the same
Another unknown street ornament
My heart is open widely and damned
Begging for a hand to keep it alive
Tainted cement greets me sweetly
Each unfaithful act wrings my body
In good faith was not an option
Rearranging my ideals
Just to know how to move forward

I loved him so truly and deeply
And it was trampled on and I didn't know

The visceral auction takes place daily
Love goes to the highest bidder always
Purged on the streets and in bed alike
We watch it gleefully and place our bets
My bloody feet leave their marks on eternity
A letter that will never get answered
He was just going along with her
Not wanting to anger her
Grasping the magnitude of the ultimate crime
Just needing to understand

I saw my face in the window
And I wanted to punch it to fatal shards

Rest my weary head against aged stone
Cover my sunken eyes with my hair
Lies continue out of pure habit
Saving his own ass is his priority
Disparaging my intelligence without shame
I lay on the sidewalk to a frenzied beat
Nobody notices and why should they
Killed inside without a warning or a choice
Biting my fingers with rabid force
Just so I can feel alive again

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
Copyright 2017 J. Irene
Published on Monday, September 4, 2017.     Filed under: "Depressed" and "Poetry"

Author's Note:

I can never be beautiful again. I can only be ugly to reflect the sin he perpetrated. I was turned into a sacrificial lamb, and I didn't have a choice.
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Comments on "Calhoun Street"

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  • Kaiser Black On Tuesday, June 20, 2017, Kaiser Black (1404)By person wrote:

    It always seems like the ones we trust and care for the most are the ones who hurt us so deeply. Keep fighting reb, you will be happy again one day. Great write.

  • carlosjackal On Monday, June 19, 2017, carlosjackal (2206)By person wrote:

    Hold strong, Rebs...It's a long grieving process and you've penned the hell out of the opening salvo of that process. Write on, Texan Cracker Girl :)

  • Rebs On Monday, June 19, 2017, Rebs (859)By person wrote:

    *rests my weary head on your shoulder* Thank you for your support, Puddin' :). Rebs:).

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